You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
