I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
