i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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