This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
