Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
