so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
