I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
