If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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