hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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