i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
