trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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