Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
