Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
