he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
