It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
