is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
