Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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