I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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