I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
