Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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