I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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