No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
