I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
