dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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