someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
