my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We left the knife in your bed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
