WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
