I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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