Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear