I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life