wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
