Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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