if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
