Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
