Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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