I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want to fling myself into the sun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
