Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
