I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
3pm strippers are depressing
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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