so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
