i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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