Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I pour the whiskey from now on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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