Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
