so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
