Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
