How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The best revenge is premature balding
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
