you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
