ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
