he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just found a bag of teeth...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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