so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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