if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
