i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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