You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
