dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
