I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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