HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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