1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
