I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As shirtless as possible
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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