my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
