You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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