if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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