I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
