Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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