Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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