So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
