I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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