Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
