No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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