I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
