I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
